Twelve months on

This time twelve months ago I was in Bangkok for the weekend, seriously contemplating what God might have planned for me in the future. At the time, all I knew was that I wouldn't be at Logos for the 2010-2011 school year, and it truly was a scary time. It was also a time of learning to trust God, and to submit more fully to Him. The months that followed were challenging, with times of deep depression, and times of great peace.

Looking back now, I am grateful to God for His loving care and leading through that difficult time. I'm so glad He gave me friends around me who supported me as I struggled, and even challenged me when I stepped out of line. I also glad that He led me to the principal of my current school, where I have not only had a second chance at being a primary school teacher, but have learned many things.

It hasn't always been easy, starting again in a new grade level, at a new school, with new colleagues, and a whole heap of new students to get to know, but it has been good. There have been times in the last 5 months when I've felt like I've failed, and blown it, and there have been other times when I have been thrilled by the day to day encouragements from my students. I've struggled with issues of "control", and also with the way that I speak to people at times, and I still struggle those things, but God is teaching me that He's the one in control, and I'm slowly learning to rest in that. I'm also learning, slowly, to think about how I'm going to say something before I say it, so that it doesn't come out in a way that hurts the other person (however unintentional that hurt might be).

As I look back over the past 12 months, I can truly say I know the truth of Jeremiah 29:11, and I'm learning many other things about God's love, His mercy, and His grace. I'm learning to allow myself some grace as well, and that's not easy. As God shows me grace, how much more do I need to show grace to others.

I also have a deep sense of peace (a Philippians 4:7 peace), that I am truly where God wants me, and doing what He would have me do. Ephesians 2:10 says "God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing." It is my prayer that I will continue doing the things that God "planned in advances" for me to do.

Thank you to all who have read this blog, and prayed for me over the last 12 months (or longer). God truly is faithful, and I know that He is holding me in His hand.