"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21).
Eleven weeks ago tomorrow, I started my post by quoting Jeremiah 29:11. As I contemplate what I have gone through in those eleven weeks, I can only say that God has been faithful, and even when I have been at very low points, God has had me in His hand. It has been a difficult time, but I can truly say that I know He has been there through it all, and that He is using all I have experienced to bring me to the place that He wants me to be.
I'm not there yet, but one huge burden has been lifted over the last two weeks. Two weeks ago, someone from the ICF suggested I contact the principal of another International School here in Phnom Penh, and at least talk to her. I was keen to remain in Cambodia, as I have come to love this country and her people, and I have a deep desire to make a difference in this place. I truly believe this love and this desire come from God, that He brought me here, and that my time here was not yet finished. As a result, I sent off an e-mail to this principal.
I met with the principal last Thursday (22nd April), and having discussed all that has occurred, we decided that we would continue to proceed with the possibility of employment at this school. I provided contact information for her to obtain references, and settled back to wait. On Tuesday afternoon we met again, and had another meeting. I greatly appreciate the sensitivity with which this meeting was handled, and I felt safe in acknowledging areas of concern, and also in considering how these could be addressed. While this school is not a Christian school as such, the principal is a Christian, and I believe that God is leading both of us as we both step out in faith for the coming year. I have been offered and accepted a contract for the 2010-11 school year, knowing that there are areas which I need to be working on, especially in the way in which I relate to other people, and being open to the support being offered to me, to ensure that I can grow in this area.
Someone said to me this week, that they believe the reason that I have been going through this season in my life is, not because I'm a failure (and there have been times when I've felt that way), but because God has said "That's enough! It is time for Karen to be what I really want her to be." In John 10:10b Jesus said, "I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full." and in John 15:11 he said "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete." As I have thought about the comment, and as I have continued working through the issues that have been brought to the surface over the past 11 weeks, I sense this to be true. This is God's plan for me. He's got my attention, and finally, after 46 years, I'm letting Him work in me to set me free and heal me.
The past 11 weeks have been painful, and I have struggled through them, sinking to the depths of depression, and rising from that to a level of functioning, but not joy. I have come to the point where I have reached out, and asked someone to help me sort through the issues, and I know that this person is praying for God's healing in my life. Had the events of the last 11 weeks not occurred, I would probably still be pottering along, knowing the assurance of salvation, but not knowing the joy that God wants me to know. The days ahead are not going to be easy, but I truly believe that God is leading me on journey to a much better place, and that as I travel on that journey, He desires to prune out the rotten stuff, and heal past hurts, and show me the fullness of life that He planned for me. I'm excited by that thought, and at the same time scared, because I sense that some of the pruning He does will hurt. I sense that there are going to be days when I will struggle, and when I will wonder if it is all worthwhile. Had I found another job within weeks of the news that I would not be returning to Logos, I doubt that I would have come to this point. The day after the first interview, my devotions were from Ecclesiastes 3 which reminded me that there is a time for everything. I am also thankful that I don't have to go through this time alone. He has provided me with a support network and people to help me as He brings about His healing.
Several posts ago, I mentioned the song "God will make a way", and He has made a way, where there seemed to be no way, and I truly believe it is His way. I'm going to finish this post with another song, an old chorus, but the words remind us of a great truth.
In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful in His time.
Lord, please show me ev'ry day,
as You're teaching me Your way,
that You do just what You say in Your time.
In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring.
May each song I have to sing
be to You a lovely thing in Your time.
Copyright 1978 Maranatha! Music