06 August 2009

Frustration (with myself)

Do you ever have days when you wish you could start all over again? I do! I've just been reminded (again!) that what I say doesn't always come across the way I intend it to, and generally when that happens, what comes out is much harsher that I mean it to be. This is something I really struggle with, because I don't want to hurt people, and I don't want to offend others, but I am often simply too honest and blunt with what I say or how I say it.

What hurts me most when this happens is that it's often not the person concerned who comes to me about things, but usually a third person. Am I really so hard to deal with / scary that people can't come directly to me? Apparently some people think so. I find this really unhelpful, and wish that people would follow Jesus instructions in Matthew 18:15 and speak directly with me rather than involving other poeple. Even at a Christian school that doesn't always happen.

I know James was pretty tough on people who couldn't control their tongues, saying their religion is worthless (James 1:26), and gives pretty explicit instruction on taming the tongue in chapter 3, but I hope that is balanced by 1 John 1:9 where John assures us of God's forgiveness if we confess our sins & seek forgiveness. It's days like this that I have to remember that I am still a "work in progress".

Meanwhile school starts in just 3 days and I have so much to do I can't believe I spent as much time here in the summer as I did. People who have had less time have got much more done than I have. I guess I'd better stop procrastinating and go home and prioritise what I'm going to do tomorrow (after all the meetings are over).


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